Friday, July 5, 2013

On being socially awkward: #forever alone

I can’t do a cartwheel.  Try as I might – I will one day go peacefully to my grave without ever achieving a single cartwheel.   If you must know, there are many fine motor skills that I never picked up on as a child.  

Handstand = impossible.  Hand/eye coordination = minimal.  Ball skills = pathetic.   

The list could go on.  Needless to say I have failed to thrive at every, and all of the random sports I’ve attempted to play both at school and as an adult beginner.   Recently I tried my hand at squash.  I had a few lessons, then started attending a Tuesday night tournament.  I was not only beaten by a 12 year old girl, but also a significantly overweight gentleman and an asthmatic.  True story.  Just goes to show, you don’t have to be an athlete to play squash, just better than me.

I’d never really thought too much about my lack of sporting prowess until a recent conversation I had with my mum when she casually mentioned her parental fail of leaving me as a wee toddler unattended near a flight of concrete stairs.
That would explain my weird shaped cranium.
Then it all came together…
… and I thought it was just in the genes.

I’ve long believed that something is wrong upstairs.  It’s mainly the social awkwardness that stands out like neon lights.  Just to illustrate:  Recently I found myself in a group situation filling an awkward silence with the sweet sound of my personal rendition of ‘kumbayah’.  Not only did my new friends not join in – but my beautiful singing had the effect of killing softy any further conversation.  Maybe they never went to scout camps.  Their loss.

The good thing about having cats as friends is that they never care.   About ANYTHING.  Richard wouldn’t bat a single eyelid if I sung ‘kumbayah’, if I laughed too loud or if I sung ‘sound of silence’ off key.  In fact – he probably wouldn't care AT ALL enough to even be in the room.

So if lately you have been feeling like even the asthmatics are beating you at squash and you fear your socially awkward charm will leave you hopelessly forever alone.  I have two suggestions:

1. Make some cat friends and

      2. Embrace your inner ‘kumbayah’ - (Just like Judith) 

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